I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. - Rom. 12:1-2
New-Calvinism is a worldview that is underscored by childish conceits and worldly delusions. It is a wannabe Reformed movement that is laced with syncretistic concepts. Acolytes of this faddish movement are basically “Calvinistic Rick Warrens” who are infatuated with the “Purpose Driven Hipster Life.” New-Calvinists have superstitiously invented clever tactics that will afford them with opportunities to enjoy their profligate lifestyles and promote their gimmicks to make the gospel attractive to their audience. This is why I have habitually argued that New-Calvinism is a worldview that is adulterated with trifling ideas and despicable inventions. It is the bastardization of the Christian faith.
New-Calvinists are conspicuously easy to identify. Instead of just preaching Christ and relishing the liberties that exist between them and God in private, New-Calvinists will pompously rely on elementary practices to reach the lost. They will parade their liberties without any care or remorse for being a stumbling block to the weak (1 Cor. 8:9). Despite the warnings from Scripture, New Calvinists will flaunt booze, tell coarse jokes, flash tattoos, use faddish colloquialisms, wear so-called “Reformed thug life” T-shirts, envy or bloviate about beards, sport skinny jeans, and even wear sunglasses while they preach from their pulpits. These indecorous fictions are nothing more than an amalgamation of childish gimmicks that do not and will not ever glorify the Master.
There is a proliferation of New-Calvinists who are saturating the internet. The majority of them have learned their theological education, not from attending reputable theological schools, but from learning sound bite excerpts from listening to their favorite apologist or pastor on the internet. As a result, these “Google” seminarians will post blogs and videos of themselves basically recapitulating arguments they learned on the internet without even being able to fully articulate deep concepts themselves. This is what happens when young adolescent men fail to realize that being a “fan boy” is no substitute for biblical fidelity.
One of the characteristics of the New-Calvinist movement is that many of them appear to be overprotective and sensitive of popular pastors and apologists. No matter the circumstances, New-Calvinist fan boys will zealously flex their theological muscles on the internet if one of the idols they worship are questioned or rebuked for compromise. John Piper can teach a garbled notion of justification, Tim Keller can affirm theistic evolution and basically call Genesis 1 a figurative poem, and Doug Wilson can get off the hook for championing the Federal Vision heresy––and New-Calvinists do not care. Question one of God’s anointed, as they presumptuously assume, and these PC adolescents are ready to fight.
New-Calvinists are deliriously self-refuting with their own affirmations. Like John Piper, there are a myriad of New-Calvinists that pompously describe their theological tenets as Reformed while self-identifying as charismatics. This is not only preposterous; it is also stupefying. To be Reformed, by definition, is to subscribe to a Reformed confession of faith. Both the London Baptist and Westminster Confessions principally teach that the revelatory gifts have ceased. That is why charismatic New-Calvinists are deformed in their thinking, not Reformed in their theology.
There are some striking similarities that New-Calvinism shares with Roman Catholicism. Both rely on sophistry to make Christ consort with their worldviews. Roman Catholics have ardor for works, while New-Calvinists favor worldliness. Throughout history, Roman Catholics have portrayed Christ as an effeminate male in their paintings, while New-Calvinists have desperately tried to make Christ look like a hipster by their actions. One day, the Lord of Glory will vindicate His Name against the Roman Catholic idolatry and New-Calvinist ploys that have profaned His Name.
My prayer is that every New-Calvinist will grow up. But realistically, the probability of that transpiring is not very high. After all, the most popular hip-hop musicians, rap moguls, sports celebrities, and movie stars who are treasured by their fans are the ones who boast about their liberties and flaunt them for the world to see. It’s a shame that New-Calvinists will imitate them, and not Christ.